When

When did I become so focused on myself that I forgot to reach out to the lonely?

Reach out to the oppressed?

To love the poor instead of passing them and their signs that read "Lost job, father of 5 children." What are we to do in situations as these?

How come we have plenty of time to scan the internet for good deals on vacations, call people while we are in stores while we are alone, check status updates on facebook and respond to e-mails with the click of a button..but we cannot look up from what is "occupying" us and smile at the person next to us or compliment the lady who rings out our items?

How come we have so much time for ourselves but when it comes to helping, serving and loving others we crawl into our hidey holes and use every excuse to avoid awkwardness.

I posted something before this today. To be honest I deleted it. I am not a fan of others knowing the personal things that go on in my life. Yes I do not mind sharing daily happenings in the Graves casa or silly stories, however when it comes to the true deep, sad, exhausting, depressing...I leave that for my deep dark secret binder. I write in it how I truly feel.

Yesterday, I realized that my true feelings are hardly ever shared. Even with Husband. Perhaps it is due to the idea of being rejected or just the fact that I am too lazy to sit down and acknowledge how I truly feel about things. Is it not easier to push those feelings, emotions deeper?

Sure. It is easy at first. Until there is no more room for the emotions and feelings to go but up, out and everywhere but inside.

To be honest..Husband and I do not have the perfect relationship. We bicker. We talk, talk talk our feelings. Husband works so much. I work so much. We have a 7-month-old daughter. I often ask myself "When do I have time to talk my feelings? When should I share my feelings? Should I share anything? It just takes so much effort..." Does that sound lazy? Probably because I am lazy.

Divorce. Such an ugly word. And yet so many people in our world chew this word up and swallow it. Sometimes the people who accept it do not want divorce. Sometimes they have no choice.

I am for fighting for a relationship. Fight as hard as you can. Marriage is not like the credits after "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" where you read "And they lived happily ever after." Marriage is more like the battlefields that you see in intense movies like "The Thin Red Line" or "300." Intense? I know!

Marriage is not a battle where the man and wife fight each other apart. It is a constant fight to cling together. We fight the outside forces that try to pry between us and our partners.

Husband and I need to pray together. To be truly genuine. To be real in this fake, unreal, plastic, beautifully terrible world. (I am not saying this world is all bad) Husband and I need to encourage, lift up, walk the extra mile in each other's shoes. Marriage is about give and take. About sharing. About being authentic and real. It is about learning from each other and strengthening each other with our words and our actions.

Sometimes I feel this world tells us that marriage is about what can you do for me. How can you make me feel.

Lies.

As I am writing this out I am believing every word I say. It is going to take time to mend. Mend from my own actions more than Husbands. Husband is such a loving, hardworking person so bear him the courtesy of not judging him. We are human, we make mistakes although we do not always appreciate admitting it.

Love your neighbor as yourself. Take it one day at a time. If a day is too overwhelming-take it minute by minute. Remember. You are loved.

Blessings