Perhaps I am superficial? Maybe I only enjoy the holidays when things are a certain way?
Why have I gotten in a slump? - A rut of thinking of all of the discouraging things that have happened lately rather than improve my thought processes by thinking of all of the things that I am thankful for?
Granted, I am aware of the things that I am thankful for. I so am. It is so difficult for me to really put into words how discouraged I am by all of the situations that life has thrown Hubb's and my way.
We bought a house, we had great jobs, our vehicles were working perfectly, we had enough money to pay our bills and money left over to enjoy a day out here and there. Going and doing things freely.
Then we found out we were pregnant..not planning it, but blessed. Everything was going wonderfully.
I was then rushed to the ER for pregnancy complications. Tagged with that visit was a hefty hospital bill.
When that seemed to slow things down I was told to lower my work load. = Less money. Great.
Ok, we're fine, just a few set backs. Wait, then the Explorer wouldn't start. Ok, fork over $500 to fix that. Great, it's fixed.
Woke up in the middle of the night to water soaking the nursery carpet. Great, the carpet and padding is ruined. We might as well fix the carpet through out the house as well. Here take $600 from us, we don't want it.
Oh, wait more doctor bills. Really? Thank you! I always wanted to pay more bills. Yesss. (sarcasm)
Ok, so Hubb and I sit down and map out some things and realize we can still save up a nice little nest egg for when daughter is born. Awesome. Sweet. Blessings.
Wait, I can't work? Premature maternity leave due to contractions caused by stress in the workplace? Ok, no income from me at all. Great.
Now. We are poor. We have nothing saved up for our daughter. No extra cash for the Holidays. Cannot buy presents for everyone as I was so excited to do.
Sometimes I wonder why? And then I think to myself, I don't want to know why.
This is melancholy, I know. If you think I am feeling for myself, perhaps I am. I have lost sight of the right things and am holding on to sadness instead of my joy.
To not worry you I will put something positive in here. My daughter kicks and reminds me it's not about me. Whether I want it to be or not, it's not about me, anymore.
Sincerely humbled and somewhat discouraged.
3 comments:
Michelle I'm sorry to hear about all this happening. Was your new cube a gift?
No, it was a necessity. Our other two cars are/were in bad shape and we had to take advantage of the time of year. It works well and gets much better gas mileage than our Explorer in which we traded in for the Cube.
I was just curious. I'm glad things are working out. Can't wait to see your daughter!
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